David entered the lives of his NZ-based family in 2005

Hitherto his contact, we were completely unaware that we had an older half-brother. That news was both shocking and unsettling.

I was initially unsure how to accommodate this revelation. I had just returned to live in NZ after nearly two decades in the UK, with no intention of making return visits. I couldn’t envisage developing a friendship with someone I was never going to meet. My first response to David’s letter of introduction was wary and non-committal.

Fortunately, circumstances changed. Deborah’s and my eldest daughter moved to the UK to study and visits to her followed. We got in touch with the Joneses and, in a basement pizzeria in London, met the family for the first time. Deborah and I were immediately struck by their openness towards us and enthusiasm for on-going contact.

And so began a wonderful friendship – not just with David, but also with Ali & Barbara, Rick & Jo and Izzy and Immy.

We discovered a close-kit and loving family who welcomed their distant relatives into their lives and their homes.

In David, we met someone with a dry wit, s shared passion for books and a very genuine interest in his half-siblings’ lives and families 12,000 miles away. Talking with him came easily, as did the laughter.

Over the subsequent years, Deborah & I have made several return visits, reinforcing those bonds on every occasion. The Jones family have also welcomed our two daughters, Zara and Zoe, into their lives, as they have also done with my brother Ian’s family.

David’s correspondence with our sister, Faye, was regular and equally enriched her life until her death 3 yrs ago. David’s warmth and generosity of spirit infused all of these contacts.

NZ Maori have a word for family which is whanau*. It goes beyond blood relations encompass those with whom you share physical, emotional and spiritual connections. It reflects a sympathy of hearts and minds, alongside a shared ancestry. Thanks to David, the Trainor family in NZ feels blessed by being able to count the Jones family as whanau.

Deborah & I immensely enjoyed David’s company, right up until our visit with him in a hospital ward shortly before his death. We talked about books recently read, of course, but also some of the earliest memories of a man who had lived a rich and full life. As the anecdotes flowed, his eyes twinkled and we relaxed into an easy familiarity that, in other circumstances might never have come about.

In search of his extended family, David reached out across the world to strangers, not knowing whether or not he was going to be welcomed or spurned. That took real courage. He was prepared to open his heart to potential hurt and rejection but persevered, nonetheless, in the hope of connecting with his kin.

That kinship is now well-established and valued by us all. The bonds he helped create will continue to grow and I’ve no doubt that the Jones Family will continue to treasure their Kiwi whanau, just as we do them.

So thank you David. Your legacy to the Trainor family will never be forgotten

Guy, Deborah, Zara, Zoe and Caillin.

*Pronounce: fow-now