For those of you that knew David well, you would have known him as a generous man. There were no moths in his wallet and he was always the first to the bar. There was no greater pleasure for him than treating others.
David did not have a particularly ordinary upbringing as a child. His Mother, Ivy, left his Father and consequently her Son, to start life afresh in New Zealand. He did however, have one lasting memory of Ivy singing to him whilst bathing him and he also recalled a holiday to a boarding house at St Margarets Bay near Dover in about 1939, where he remembered that he disliked the salad served on arrival….no change there then!
Her leaving meant that David was brought up primarily by his Grandparents until his Father remarried and he eventually moved in with them a few years later, joined by a new Sister, Pam, who was his Step-Mother’s daughter. Being 8 years younger than David, Pam remembers being in awe of him (a feeling that didn’t change throughout their lives) but also, of being teased incessantly.
David was 16 when he started his first job on the 21st January 1952 as a Library Assistant at the Orpington branch of Kent County Library. With a 2-year break for National Service in the Royal Artillery, which he loathed, he left on the 31st March 1959….one day before Barbara started! What a small world. But there his love of books was cemented, especially about the American Civil War, Westerns and Fantasy Fiction. This was something he and Barbara shared right to the end. They would spend many hours talking about books they’d read and discussing and disagreeing on plots and styles of writing as well as recommending books to each other.
This David did too with his friends at Hildenborough Library. With Steph and now Michael at the helm he would love his monthly book club meeting, talking about all manner of books. This was time he really enjoyed…almost as much as checking that the books on the shelves were catalogued correctly…no doubt, making sure you were doing your job, Michael!
He also had friends in Chichester…Cynthia and Alex who he would stay with for the literary festival and manage to catch a cricket match at the same time. It was at their home that he met one of his literary heroes, Terry Pratchett.
After leaving the library David had a major career change and enrolled as a constable in the British South Africa Police in Zimbabwe, then Rhodesia, where he cemented a mutual hatred of horses and push bikes! It would be a further 50 years before he got on another bike, when he started going to the gym 2 months ago!
Returning home, he then started his long career in banking…for Midland Bank. And he was also able to pursue the real love of his life. No, not Tottenham, but Barbara. He asked her out when he came back on leave and was so besotted by her that he used to walk down her road hoping to catch a sight of her in her at home. Not a real stalker, you understand…especially as it turned out that he was looking in the wrong house the whole time!
So, they married and after a very difficult start, losing Nicola, their first daughter, along came Alison and Richard after they had moved into the new houses in Elmshurst Gardens. In David’s own words, he regretted wasting a good marriage but in turn gained so much happiness with his children in the family dynamic that emerged.
David was very proud of Alison and Richard. Of their successes, their willingness to give things a go and of their friendships, so many of which started at school, and remain important all these years later. And it brings them so much comfort that some of you are here today. David would have been moved by that.
Richard and Alison share many memories and stories of David that would take forever to tell…but as quick soundbites, please feel free to ask them about any or all of them after the service! Of Alison (also known as Bong) pulling the curtain rail down, of “the last brussel”, numerous holidays at Pontins, Embassy versus Costello, Grandma’s Australian Rummy, carpet on the doors, their trip to Waterloo, Frey Bentos pies cooked in a cupboard, his barber’s ghost, reading them the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy and his alter-ego – Squire Tassel-Dick!
David was an exceptional human being with a great capacity for knowledge and a complete inability to perform straightforward tasks. Do you know any other person that can’t fathom the basic principles of Velcro?!
He often said that his happiest memories were all connected with Richard and Alison, together with Barbara saying yes!
David was full of pride in Richards’s family. Of Jo and her beautiful soups (the last one she made for him she brought into the hospital) and of her willingness to let him take up camp in front of Sky when Spurs were on. He admired her “can do” attitude…not that that was something that came naturally to David, who was famous for his dummy runs before he had to make a new journey, so he’d know where to park and how long the drive would take! A ritual that completely flummoxed Jo!
The driving was not a one off….at Richard’s stag weekend, David took immense pride driving round a cart race track incredibly slowly, happily waving to his team mates not realising their frustration as they screamed at him to go faster!
And as for his Granddaughters, well, he was bursting with pride for them. Recounting all their academic achievements to anyone who would listen. Enthralled by their natural intelligence and sense of fun. Indeed, if you put David and Immy in a quiz team together they’d wipe the floor with you!
And sharing his strategy for which University to root for on University Challenge with Izzi was the team that said, “hello” rather than, “hi”! Not exactly scientific, but it worked for him and now Izzi does the same herself! Having said that, if Exeter were on, he’d want them to win automatically.
The Jones Cup will now have to be contended without David…but there is still Jamie, an honorary Jones who shared each Boxing Day with David and the family over many, many years. Last year was a first…a Dickensian Christmas, with David happily dressed up as Scrooge!
Talking of his love of quizzes, he enjoyed going to the quizzes at Sevenoaks Bowls Club with his neighbours and friends, Brenda and Brian. Together with Barbara and Mick, David’s childhood friend from Warren Road Primary School (and David and Barbara’s best man) they would often come up trumps.
David moved down to Hildenborough from Orpington nearly 20 years ago and it was there that he was at his happiest. There were Tuesday and Friday shops with Barbara, coffee in the Finch House, lunches in the Hilden Manor and pestering Janis in the Pharmacy about all his ailments. Janis was so kind to Mr Tottenham and took such great care of him…. he always went the extra mile, as did his GP, Dr James Evans.
We have got so far without mentioning the other love in David’s life…Tottenham Hotspur. In David’s words, he wasn’t close to his Father, but he did lead David to White Hart Lane. And when David and Barbara separated, he introduced Richard and Alison to the greatest football club in the world! Every other Saturday the ritual of driving that awful bright green DAF to North London was completed by either a meal in the Wimpy or a trip to the Italian, where licensing rules were waived in order to serve the youngsters burning Sambucas as an accompaniment to their desserts…classy times!
Season tickets followed and the season tickets to the new stadium have been purchased…it’s such a shame that David never made it there. But there were some great matches shared…FA Cup Finals, UEFA Cup Final….and the first win in 75 years at Anfield, to name a few. And Saturday evening’s win was for you, David.
He had a vivid memory of going to pick up Alison from Wembley. Whilst, waiting outside the Arena the week before the Cup Final Replay, he was standing in Wembley Way listening to Gary Numan blaring out “Cars” and it seemed to him that the whole place was shaking!
Whilst still working for HSBC, David was seconded to the Pre-Retirement Association. This work he really enjoyed, thanks largely to the people he worked with. Particularly Jim O’Malley…a generous man with a large welcoming family…especially his eldest Son, James, who was surviving as a lonely Northern Spur in a family of Manchester United fans! This friendship grew, and programmes and match reports would be shared on a regular basis and David, Richard and Alison would try to meet up for as many matches as possible.
Without wanting to dwell on David’s extremely brave fight with his disease, he did manage to make light of some very dark situations. Having had a catheter fitted on Bonfire weekend, the fireworks had been going off loudly in the distance as it was actually being put in place. He exclaimed that he wasn’t sure that he’d get used to all that firework noise every time he needed to pee! He giggled as he told this tale and added that he wanted this anecdote to be recounted today.
During the last 3 months of his life the family got even closer than they were before…something that they had not thought possible.
When David married Barbara, he loved marrying into the Kain family. A large, boisterous bunch…very unlike his own upbringing.
And as a strange twist of fate, David ended up with his own large family. When Ivy left, she headed for New Zealand, where she remarried and had more children. The reason David chose the Salvation Army for any kind donations was because they managed to trace Ivy’s family for him, when he started to search for her with Barbara nearly 15 years ago.
The family in New Zealand knew nothing of David, and the news about him was initially shocking and unsettling. Ivy, sadly, had passed away when contact was made.
His brother, Guy’s eldest daughter moved to the UK to study, so Guy and Deborah visited, and met the Jones family. As have his brother Ian and his wife Sharon, and well as his Sister, Faye and their various children. In addition, David has discovered new cousins in the UK, John and his wife, Sue, and Jill and her husband, Graham. John being a fan of Wycombe Wanderers recently joined David at the Lane for a Cup match in which David left happier at the final whistle!
In Guy’s words, his New Zealand rellies discovered a close-knit and loving family who welcomed their distant relatives into their lives and their homes. In David, they met someone with a dry wit, a shared passion for books and a very genuine interest in his half-siblings’ lives and families 12,000 miles away. Talking with him came easily, as did laughter.
This they were so fortunate to do, just days before David passed away. They visited him in hospital on their way back to New Zealand. For both brothers it was a very special and most poignant time.
New Zealand Maori have a word for family which is whanau*. It goes beyond blood relations to encompass those with whom you share physical, emotional and spiritual connections. It reflects a sympathy of hearts and minds, alongside a shared ancestry. Thanks to David and his courageous perseverance the Trainor family in New Zealand feels blessed by being able to count the Jones family as whanau.
* pronounced far-now